The White Steed

On Paths Toward Awakening

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The Journey begins

Leagues of sky silent lie,

blue and free, calling me.

Where the horizon fair,

binds earth and air.

Cloud ships gaily,

venture daily,

on the silent sea.

eagle rock (Los Angeles), California, 1931, kindergarten, spring semester. At age four years-ten months, anticipating school as an exciting adventure, eager to learn, as exhilarating today as it was then. After eighty-six years, how can it be that this song still lingers in the very heart of me?  Silent skies, blue and free, calling me.

  Confession: many times to have been resistant to “learning” or accepting all offerings; at age thirteen, after reading the King James translation of the Bible cover-to-cover, announcing to the world (well, at least to immediate family), “I am an atheist.” Dear-hearted Mother simply shrugged and smiled. (Dad not present—divorced when I was two, but assured he too would’ve shrugged; neither parent ever talked about religion.) Continuing to delight, however, in the Nativity, Christmas stories (especially British and  European), singing Christmas carols, Easter rituals, especially sunrise services, Gregorian chants, Cantors singing in Synagogues, raising the flag and singing “The Star Bangled Banner.”  

  Confessing also to periods, hopefully not long-lasting, square jawed, irritatingly fanatic. Happy to say, this “condition” hasn’t found its way into the psyche or behavior for at least twenty years, with exception of contemporary political arena; and in the chaos of the last seventeen years, recently withdrawing altogether from debates and confrontations; yet attempting to keep up-t0-date, and informed.

  As for debating or allowing entrance of disputes regarding the teachings of the Buddha or other religions—never. Bodhisattvas observe that the nature of all existence is not in two opposing forms, but like space.

  Returning to the historical dimension of life, shortly after declaring atheism, along came Dr. Ernest C. Wilson from the Unity School of Christianity, and “Lessons in Truth” by H. Emilie Cady (published 1894). Will not expand on this here; suffice to say, the concept of a “God” in Cady’s book should be quite accessible to a Buddhist—the creative energy that is the cause of all visible things. Not surprised in the least to find this revelation some fifty years later in Nikkyo Niwano’s “Buddhism for Today, a Modern Interpretation of The Threefold Lotus Sutra”: There is a great invisible force which cannot be seen, a universal life-force that causes everything to live. Pausing to note in the Buddha’s teachings the “Law of Cause and Effect” allows for no creation story.

  Wilson’s “sermons” were sublime, sprinkled with humor, consistently absent were ranting, raving, exhortations. Also to note that before Wilson, originally lecturing at the Ebel Club in Los Angeles, then founding “Christ Church Unity,” had studied with Buddhist groups in Southern California.

  A year at UCLA in 1943-44 before induction into the army, and during war years, religion more or less forgotten once again; although during that first pre-war year at UCLA, accumulating life-rewarding (spiritual?) experiences never to be forgotten, including another “leagues of sky” moment in the first line spoken as the juvenile, Wu Hoo Git in George C. Hazelton and Benrimo’s “Yellow Jacket” in Royce Hall 170 in March, 1944.

I am Wu Hoo Git! I’m tired of classics! I long for the free air of life!

  Longing for the free air of life, always and forever, no doubt, a given. After the war, a rather lack-luster semester at Michigan State, summer stock on Mackinac Island (not so much lack-luster as chaotic) and, strictly in the “historical dimension,” in California again, a turning point in the realm of sexual desire; and then all religious or spiritual revelations and ruminations capitulated to new found shift-shaping conjurers—new friends at UCLA, 1948, introducing great artists and French cinema, Jean Louis Barrault’s “Children of Paradise,” “Cage of Nightingales,” Jean Cocteau’s “Beauty and the Beast.”

  Blue and free leagues of sky now filled with Horowitz at the piano, Marian Anderson, Roland Hayes, Jussi Bjoerling’s steel-tempered voice soaring into the rafters singing “Nessun Dorma” on RCA Victor 78 rpm recordings in musky rooms; Bobby Short at the Ambassador, Laurence Olivier’s “Henry V” and “Hamlet”; on stage speaking lines courtesy of Tennessee Williams, George Bernard Shaw, and, once again a never-t0-be forgotten declaration longing for the free air of life, playing Denis Dillon in Paul Vincent Carol’s “The White Steed.”

Oh God, it’s wonderful. I feel as if I have the taste of blood in me mouth, the taste of the blood of me enemies, the taste of the blood of the men who taught me to love their laws and hate life. I that have warm blood and the laugh of a giant!

  Enemies—always would it be so, had been so—men (and/or women) who would teach me to love their laws and hate life. “I that have warm blood. . .” and the never-ceasing desire to celebrate life.

  In “The Pilgrimage Play” for the first time that summer of 1948, playing disciple James, comforting to discover cast members, including the man who played Jesus, Nelson Leigh, very much aligned with the open spirit of Unity’s teachings—also to note very lighthearted and not resistant to humor, as when the donkey offstage would bray—hee-haw, hee-haw—during the quiet Last Supper scene. No one suggested burning the poor creature at the stake. A favorite story Nelson loved to tell, at the Las Palmas Theatre in Hollywood, sitting in the audience with a friend with a resounding, booming voice, during intermission, said in a quiet moment, “Nelson, what you need is a good strong Peter—one you can play against.”

  For those Christians, comforted in their beliefs, you may skip this paragraph, but for those confused Christians beset by doubts or haunted, even giving into life-denying, extremist, right wing religionists of today, it is suggested you watch “The Pilgrimage Play” film. You should find it a breath of fresh air—an escape from your life-denying views. Filmed in 1949, the film is available on DVD and free for viewing at Amazon Prime video.

  Years later, as I began to appreciate one of the most profound teachings of the Buddha, all equally possess the buddha-nature, a quote rings out from our Last Supper scene when Jesus tells his disciples, “Let not your heart be troubled. He will send you another comforter that he may abide with thee forever. . . even the spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him, but ye know him, for he dwelleth with you and shall be in you.”